Update: Blog Shift

I know I haven't updated this blog in a while. That's not to say I haven't had oodles of things I wanted to jot down here; there just wasn't the time. But now that I am getting back into blogging, I've decided to shift tack a bit. I've created a new blog that focuses primarily on my son and life as a new mother -- yup, it's my "mommy blog." The blog is called "And Baby Makes Pi" and can be found here. I hope you'll stop by and check it out!

Ok... what's up for this blog? It's not dead yet. There are still things I may want to write about that I won't want to clutter my mommy blog with, notably thoughts about whether to go for baby #2 and some of the considerations that go along with that. And if we DO decide to TTC again, well, then, the game's afoot and I'll be blogging here about that. And there may be other mommy-related stuff I'd like to discuss that I don't need to share with family, etc. (as my other blog will be more public than this one). If there's one thing in my life that's a constant, it's that I'm always anxious about something, so I'll be sure to write about it here.

So please don't forget about this blog. I'll try to make sure to update it from time to time.

In the meantime, I hope your journeys are taking you everywhere you hoped they would, and I look forward to "seeing" you around here again soon!

Peace,
Kiki

7 weeks gone already?!? (w/ pics)

I think about posting updates every. freaking. day. But I'm finding it hard to find the moments to sit down, think clearly, and compose. Baby Boy is doing well, though he does not like to be out of my arms, so it makes blogging and forum posting especially difficult (though my index finger gets a workout sometimes when I have a minute).

So, topics I wish I could write more about:

Reflux - Baby's got it and is on Prevacid. Makes me super paranoid... worried he will choke on his spit up when he's asleep, so I am having major trouble...

...sleeping with him not physically attached to me (or DH or someone). Have taken to doing shifts in the recliner at night with him on our chests. He prefers to sleep on his tummy, and I don't blame him, but our current MO is untenable as a long term sleep option.

Breastfeeding -- has its ups and downs. Latch took several days to "catch" after we brought Baby Boy home, and since then I've been struggling to keep up with his hunger. I am able to provide about 90% of his intake myself, but always seem to have to resort to formula to satisfy him (otherwise he screams after nursing with me, rather than nodding off in "drunken sailor" mode). I'd just really like to feed him breast milk exclusively, so the extra 2-4 oz of formula I need to supplement each day kind of bug me.

Well, he's getting cranky again and it's time to go to my post-partum follow-up appointment at the cardiologist's, so I better run. But not before a couple of pics!

One month old (May 17)

Sleeping peacefully on Mommy

One week old

Hard to believe it's been a week already; at the same time, it seems like forever since I could feel Baby Boy (though I didn't know it was him at the time) kicking me in the side like he was trying to dig a pipeline through to my kidney. It's been a good week, but a rough one, and I've lost it many times. I think what's hardest, and I summed it up for my husband a few days ago when I was feeling really out of sorts and exhausted, is that for so many months I was intimately linked to my baby, and felt his every movement, and all of a sudden he's not there on the inside anymore, but now that he's on the outside he's somewhere I can't even touch him.

Granted, since that particularly bleak moment I (and DH) have been able to hold Baby Boy for about a half hour or so each day (so three days so far), and that has made all the difference in the world (that and the fact that my milk supply continues to increase such that I'm up to being able to provide him at least four full breast milk feedings per day)! DH and I spend most of the time while he's in our arms just staring at him, or taking pictures, or we talk to him or each other so he can hear our voices, even while fast asleep. Yesterday I sang to him a little, a couple of French nursery rhymes I has sung to him while he was in the womb.

Preemie Land is a strange country. It's one thing to be a brand spanking new parent and have no clue how to do things, but to have the chance to wing it, knowing that after all, it's your baby and you can do what you want (within reason of course). It's entirely another to be a brand spanking new parent with no clue how to do things, and then be restricted from letting your instincts guide you on how to be with your baby. I know that Baby Boy needs to be in the NICU, and the nurses and doctors are doing everything in their power to get him ready to come home as soon as possible, but it's so hard sometimes to know where I fit into his NICU life. The nurses are really sweet and helpful and understanding, but sometimes I feel like I get in their way. Part of it really isn't anything to do with the nurses per se, it's just because Baby Boy's main issue is that he needs to stay calm and unstressed so that his lungs can mature. Whenever he gets upset, or cries, or fidgets a lot, it causes him to work harder to breathe and that gets in the way of his lungs doing the catch-up work he needs to do. So there are times when the nurses don't want him to be bothered by anything, including me.

Of course, the irony of it is that, when they do put him in my arms, or DH's, he's perfectly content, and seems ready to stay there for hours. We can't, however, hold him for too long though because it means he's out of his isolette and he needs the warmth of the isolette to help his body stay stress-free.

Okay, pity party's over. He's been doing great, except for his breathing, which remains labored (Respiratory Distress Syndrome, or RDS), so it really depends on him getting his breathing under control before he will be able to take a bottle or breast. Once he can do either/both of those things (preferably the breast, but they won't let him go to breast until he can handle the bottle -- backwards if you ask me, but who am I, just his mom), and can go without the supplemental oxygen, he will be on the road to discharge. So we're looking at another week probably, at least. The tough thing, practically speaking, for me about his stay in the NICU is that, due to the fact that I am still recovering from his delivery, I am not allowed to drive for two weeks. So I am reliant on others to take me to see him. I'm such an independent person, this has proved especially frustrating to me. But, my cousin took me over on Saturday, DH and I went together every other day, and my mom is coming to stay with us for a week this coming Tuesday, so she will be able to drive me the days that DH has to work.

Okies, time to go get some other stuff done before I have to pump again. In the meantime, some more pics of Baby Boy (on his one-week birthday) for your viewing pleasure:

I have now joined Team...

BLUE!!!!

Baby Boy was born at 1:10 am on Sunday, April 17, 2011. I managed to get him to 34 weeks 1 day gestation, and he weighed in at birth at a whopping 6 lbs, 10.6 oz, and he was 19 1/4 inches long. He's now in the NICU, working on his breathing, and will probably be there for a week or so. Each day is touch and go because his lungs are a bit underdeveloped (despite the steroid shots I was given). At present his doctor is concerned he might have a leak in his lungs, because he is breathing really hard. They will x-ray his chest again this afternoon to see how things are going, but it sounds like all we can do at this point is wait and see.

His birth was, in the end, extremely quick. I remember the doctors who delivered him debating afterward whether they really could put down as record that pushing took only 10 minutes. It definitely was something precipitous like that. But let me back up a bit...

Saturday afternoon, as I mentioned in my last update, the doctors started me on pitocin to regularize my contractions, with the hope that they would become more productive, and start me into active labor. My hope was that this could get my water to break on its own. Well, truthfully, I had hoped to be able to move around a bit and use some of my natural birthing class techniques to get active labor started, but since I was put on the pitocin I couldn't move around (at least I think that's why --- so much of this is a blur, bear with me!). My doctors were sympathetic to my desire to have as little intervention as possible, but the nature of our situation threw most of those desires out the window, understandably. We needed to get the baby out as efficiently as possible.

We had a big discussion about breaking my water. The doctors wanted to break my waters early on in the afternoon, and I really didn't want them to. In retrospect, I think the toughest part about how the delivery proceeded was the inner conflict I felt over wanting to advocate for as few interventions as possible, all the while worrying that by doing so I was getting in the way of what was safest for the baby. But I suppose it was somewhat needless worry, in that, if push came to shove and the baby was in danger, the doctors would do what was necessary.

So we talked about doing an amniotomy, and my doctors agreed to give the pitocin some time to work, and we'd evaluate as we went along. Fair enough.

[Side note: the doctors who delivered me were not my regular doctors, rather a resident of the hospital and the on-call OB who tag teams with my doctors' obstetric practice. Both were great; in fact, the entire team who's helped me since Thursday afternoon has been wonderful.]

They started the pitocin at a very low dose and gradually increased it. I started feeling contractions, and they got progressively closer together, but they were mild, like menstrual cramps, the kind you notice and you feel kind of crampy, but they aren't very distracting. I was able to carry on conversations, check email, entertain visitors (DH's dad, sister and brother-in-law came by to see us after the shower was over), and even attempt to nap. While this was all great and wonderful (I kept wondering if I was going to luck out and have a really mild labor overall, or whether karma was going to come and kick me in the ass at some point), it wasn't helping much. The contractions were regular, about 2-3 min apart, but I wasn't getting anywhere. I maybe went to about 7 cm over the course of several hours.

Just before midnight, DH and I started to drift off to sleep; or rather, DH was already nodding off and I decided to make a concerted effort to get some rest myself, figuring that we were being left alone for a while. Well, shortly after midnight, and basically just long enough later that I felt as if I had been awaken from a really decent sleep zone, my doctors came into the room and announced that it was time to break my water. Seriously it felt like they marched in to make the grand announcement. I'll admit though, by this time, despite the fact that I would rather have napped for a little while, I wasn't opposed to getting the show on the road. So I agreed (not that I think I had much say in the matter) and then the party really got started.

They broke my water and it seemed like within only a few short minutes everything changed. Full force contractions started almost instantaneously, and they were brutal. It was so sudden a shift in intensity that I was really caught off guard. Night and day doesn't even cover it. Yup, it was bad.

But, thank goodness it was short. As I'm adjusting to these new ferocious contractions, I kind of panicked that there was no way I could stand many of them... I had no transition, no time to get used to contractions gradually increasing in intensity and pain (was this the effect of all the pitocin without the buffer of the amniotic sac?)... I just wanted to escape my body. My husband DH was great as he coached me through them, all the while I was desperately trying to figure out whether I wanted an epidural... another one of those moments of inner conflict. In theory I really didn't want an epidural, but this pain was more than I had anticipated, so I considered it. The doctors couldn't tell how long I'd need to push, and I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle this type of pain for long. They told me that if I wanted an epi, it was now or never.

I was still debating the epi issue, and about to concede, when I started to feel like I had to poop really bad (sorry, but you know this is going to be full of TMI, lol). Hearing this the resident suggested trying to push for a couple of contractions. I said okay, and we tried. The amazing thing was that the contractions hurt much less when I was pushing, they still hurt like the devil, but within a more manageable realm, if that makes any sense.

After a couple of pushes, the resident checked me and said, okay, you're at about 9 1/2 now... this is it! The NICU team rushed in to get ready to take the baby (they probably were there already but it all seemed to happen at once), the other doctor was there too -- it was chaos and I can't remember all the folks who were there, but I know they were scrambling to get my legs in the stirrups and then they're telling me to push, sometimes up to three times per contraction, and I felt like I couldn't breathe, and couldn't get coordinated in taking breaths and where to hold my legs and pushing my chin to chest and... I was a discombobulated mess and had my eyes closed the whole time... but apparently I got something right, because after only a handful of contractions, I felt this burn, and a whoosh, and then, it was over. And then something was screaming like a banshee down near my feet. Oh, it's my son!

Well, I didn't know it was my son until they brought him up to my chest a moment later and I could see his whole body. Yup, it's a boy all right, and man, was he upset (who can blame him, he just got evicted from a cosy home some 6 weeks early)!

I got to have a brief moment of skin-to-skin contact with him before they whisked him away to the NICU (Daddy/DH went with him), and that was great. But they had already cut the cord so we weren't able to delay the clamping as we'd hoped (and no one had asked us about it before hand --- our birth plan was still in draft form as we thought we a bit more time). Ah well, there wasn't much time for much discussion of anything, and really, the important part is that my baby got out safely.

I won't lie though, I'm super glad there wasn't even time for me to agree to the epidural. The anesthesiologist wouldn't have been able to get my consent and set up in time for me to get it (and the contractions were so close together I can't imagine how they would have managed to keep me still enough). So yeah, if there's one part of my birth plan I'm glad I got to stick to, it was that I managed to deliver without pain meds. Yup, certified masochist here... but seriously, pushing was better than just sitting through the contractions, so I lucked out in that I didn't have much time to wait before I could push. I ended up tearing, so I have stitches, but that happened so fast too that I didn't notice it (other than the general burn of pushing Baby Boy out).

All in all, it was quite the roller coaster ride. I'll have to write the analysis later. They're kicking me out of the hospital today, and I have to navigate this weird space of going home without my baby. But it's indescribable, this feeling of fascinating and wonder at the fact that there is now a little boy in the world who wasn't here two days ago, and that I am his mommy.

And here he is, at about 17 hours old:

Looks like it's time...

Group B Strep test came back positive, so it's time to get the baby out. I'm on penicillin, and they've started me on pitocin to get the contractions coming at a regular pace. Then I'll probably get my water broken. Not too keen on that, but not sure if I'll have a chance to try to break my waters myself.

So the next couple of hours will just be focused on getting me to a regular pattern. Then they'll check me and see what's next. But we're all hoping baby gets here quickly.

Over and out. Gonna try to rest for a bit. I'll update when I can.

Evening check-in

Not quite an update, because not much has happened.

I got my second steroid shot at about 6:15 this evening. I've felt slight contractions throughout the afternoon and evening, but never spaced less than 10 minutes apart.

So we wait. I am hoping that I am "safe'" for the night, because I need to get some rest. Only slept about 3 hours last night, and today was busy with updates and phone calls from family making their way here for tomorrow's shower.

We'll see.

Update: looks like April showers will bring an April baby...

The high risk doctor saw me this morning, measured the baby (estimated at about 6 pounds) and discovered that I am now 6 cm dilated and 100% effaced, so all bets are off. He wants this baby delivered. So I'm off the meds that try to stop labor, and they're watching to see how I react. The second steroid dose (to help baby's lungs mature) is due at 6:30 pm, so we're hoping to make it to that and then I'm not sure how long they will wait for my body to react before wanting to induce me. I don't have much further to go, lol, but my water hasn't broken yet. The reason they don't want this to go on any longer is because there is risk of infection with me being dilated so much for too long. I'd so much rather augment labor through natural means if I can, or at least have the option to try, but I won't get in the way of what's necessary.

Overall I'm a bit nervous but trying not to freak out about it. I know we're in really good hands, but we still could use all the good vibes and prayers for a healthy outcome for both of us that can be spared. Thanks!

April showers bring May babies? If we're very lucky... :(

Soooooo.... um, yeah. I'm actually writing this from a hospital bed. I went to my OB appointment yesterday at 1:40 pm, waited for what seemed like hours on the table for my OB to see me, and finally had one of my shortest appointments on record. I was scheduled for another fFN test and my Group B strep test (lovely), and so my OB did those first. I told her how I've been wondering if the baby has dropped or majorly shifted or something, because I've noticed a lot more pressure whenever I am on my feet. She said the baby might have, but let's take a look. The verdict:

4 centimetres dilated --- WTF??? (or What the Faggioli/Farina/Fruitcake)

And with that, I was packed up and sent to L&D. My OB was convinced that I was going into labor. YIKES!

I get to the hospital and for the first time, my visit did not end in the triage area. They did my intake, vitals etc., strapped me to the monitors that showed I was contracting but with no consistency, but they also had me sign a delivery consent form and went through all the steps to admit me to labor and delivery. Then I got set up in an L&D room, and got an IV where they started me on fluids and then soon after magnesium sulfate. They gave me the first of two steroid shots, and I've had 3 doses of procardia so far.

So what is actually going on? It's anybody's guess. Actually my day nurse, who I just met a short while ago, had the smartest answer I've heard so far. It's probably my fibroids, which have been remarkably quiet and stable on the whole, having a passive aggressive hissy fit (my words, unfortunately; would have loved it if she'd said that herself, lol). The nurse called them "muscle hogs," and they obviously are feeling like they need some attention. No one's ever mentioned the fibroids as a cause before... they've only said, oh you've got an irritable ute... yah, but WHY??? Okay, the fibroids make sense. Granted they may not be the reason, but it's something I can wrap my head around, and also explains why it's all fuss but no action except the dilation.

In about an hour my MFM doctor will be making the rounds, so I'll know better what happens from here after then. But from the looks of it, I may be here for a little while. And yeah, that may mean through Saturday. My shower is Saturday... BOOO HISSS FRIGAFRACKAFOOOOOOO!

Okay, got that out.

Of COURSE, I'm not going anywhere if it will hurt baby's chances of hatching at full term (and at this point I don't think my doc will let me anyway; at this point I'm not even sure if she'll let me go home before I deliver)... but geez, really??? Now??? Well, I was the one who pushed for the weekly exam this week, and not a two-weeker as my OB had originally suggested, because I wanted to make sure I was okay to go to my shower, but I certainly didn't expect events to go as they have. And probably good that I did push for the visit, because then I might have gone another week (or not) and not known... eek!

Well, the nice thing is that I will have lots of visitors this weekend, as the family (and friends) are pouring in from all over the East Coast to celebrate. I think we will set up Skype or something for those who can't/don't come to the hospital.

They all do say that if I deliver even now, baby will be fine... passed all the major milestones (or just about to this weekend), so there is some comfort there, but just WOW.

Operation Keep Baby Cookin' continues...

NEWSFLASH: They'll be moving me to an antepartum rooms (much better bed they say) sometime today. Gertrude is just being super irritable I guess because there are five tenants (baby + four fibroids). And I'm off the magnesium sulfate drip (yay) AND I've been given clear liquids... jello, juice, ginger ale, tea... woo hoo!

Can I bring my recliner to the courthouse?

Because that's what I'd need to do if they really insist on summoning me for jury duty.

Yup, I got a jury summons, for May 4. Now, don't get me wrong -- I seriously would like to be able to experience being a juror someday. It just seems that, whenever I get called, I have some reason I just can't make it (like the time I got summoned in California months after I had moved back home to Massachusetts -- slight residency issue there). This time, I have a pretty good hunch that, when my doctor's note shows up and they see that I am on bed rest for threatened pre-term labor, they probably won't want me anywhere near the jury box.

So maybe I won't be total fail...

...as a mom-slash-wife.

Bed rest has some advantages. Today it gave me the chance to learn something new, or relearn something I've forgotten how to do since 7th grade.

Yesterday DH asked me if I could "be domestic" (a little joke we have, as I am a certified Undomestic Goddess -- fun book, by the way) and do him a favor while he was at work: repair his work shirt by replacing a button that had fallen off. I blinked at him a few times.

"You want me to sew on a button??? Um... okay," and I honestly said this next bit out loud, "I guess I could Google it."

Yes, I am embarrassed to admit, before an hour ago, I had no idea how to properly sew on a button. I've tried before, but they came out to be tangled messes.

And so, it was YouTube to the rescue. I followed along with the video below (after watching it several times to get the gist - it goes fast) and managed to pull off what I think will be a moderately successful button repair. Go me! And thanks ThreadBanger!

PS. There's music in the background so this video is NSFW (or mute your speakers)!

A welcome lull

I've had both of my 32-week appointments this week, first the growth ultrasound with the perinatologist on Tuesday, and then today with my OB, and it almost seemed like the past four weeks were some crazy warped dream. Both appointments were completely normal, as if the time bomb of threatened pre-term labor wasn't ticking somewhere in the supply cabinet. I even asked my OB about what happens next, and basically, we just proceed as normal; she'll check my cervix again next week, but since my fetal fibronectin test came back negative from last week, we've kind of gotten another reprieve. I do hope I get a good report at my appointment next Thursday, because that's two days before my shower. I've promised myself to be a very good girl this week!

At the growth ultrasound, the news of note was that, while our baby is measuring overall about 77th percentile, the thigh bone registers at 95th percentile. Nothing so odd about that, given that I can't even sit straight in a school bus anymore because my femur is too long, and DH's legs are just about as long as mine, but it's still amazing to hear. This kid is going to be one tall drink of water. What a trip it will be the day I find myself looking up at my child. I know that happened for my mom when I was about 13. I remember that, when we went to take formal portraits, the photographer had my mom stand on blocks so she would look taller than me -- such a lark!

I am actually appointment-free until next Tuesday... so hopefully I'll think of something else fun to write about here in the meantime.

My boobs will still have a job!

I called the pediatricians we're thinking of using this morning to ask them whether the medications I am taking will interfere with breastfeeding. When I'd asked my OB the other day, she told me I had to check with my pediatrician, which sent me into a tizzy, and even caused me to have a nightmare where the pediatrician told me there was no way I'd be able to breastfeed. But this morning I got good news, they didn't see any problem with it -- whew! AND, my cardiologist concurred; double whew!

Lopressor does pass into breastmilk, but at such low concentrations it shouldn't be an issue. Plus, after I give birth, my blood volume should go back to normal, so I probably won't be on the extra meds for too long anyway -- at least I hope so!

I've been looking forward to breastfeeding so much, it really killed me to think I might not even get the chance to try. Whew!

Nectin nectin bo-bectin...

...Banana fana fo-fectin

Fe(tal)-fi(bro) fo-mectin

Nectin!

For some reason that rhyme came to mind when I thought about the eff-eff-en (fFN = fetal fibronectin) test just now. *shrug* Bored minds are a terrible thing to waste???

Anywaaaaay...

I had the test done last Wednesday and called my OB office this afternoon because I hadn't heard anything back. If there's one thing I have to complain about with that practice (I love everything else about them), it's the incredible lag time of getting lab results back. I hadn't expected an fFN test to be subject to the same delays, but, alas, it was. When I called today, the results hadn't even made it into my chart yet. But I got a call back from the doctor within minutes telling me...

...that the result was NEGATIVE. Halleluia! 34 weeks, here I come (I hope)!!!

Cardiologist update #3

Saw my cardiologist this morning, and while my blood pressure is doing great, 105/80 or thereabouts, my heart rate still hasn't calmed down (116). So he's doubling my dosage of Lopressor to 50 mg x2/day. But he told me to watch out for lightheadedness due to blood pressure dropping even further, and said in that case I should skip the evening dose of methyldopa.

He also told me to be as much of a couch potato as possible. Heh, so I guess that if I wasn't on bed rest already, he'd be putting me on it now. Can a slug act like a couch potato?

I made it... 32 weeks and still cookin'!

Another happy day... today I hit 32 weeks, the first big milestone. While I personally am in no rush to deliver this little one, I can breathe a little easier knowing that I made it this far.

Next stop: 34 weeks... Rock on!

Triple Thumbs Up!

Yay!

Yay!

Yay!

This morning's weekly OB appointment (31 weeks) went really well; in fact, it was the most encouraging one I've had in a while. Have I mentioned that I <3 my doctors? I bumped into all three of them today, and they all said hi and chatted for a minute. My case must be some bit of a topic of conversation because they instantly remembered me, LOL. I seem to be that way with medical staff; I have to go to them frequently enough that I become a household name. Dismaying but comforting at the same time.

So here's the good news:

#1. My cervix measures the same as last time, no further dilation - woo hoo!

#2. I passed the 3-hour glucose test - thank you! thank you!

#3. I can go to my work shower tomorrow - hooray! hooray! hooray!

and an anticlimactic #4. I didn't miss the UPS truck... I'm expecting a t-shirt from Cafe Press that I was hoping to wear to the shower tomorrow, and was worried that it would come during the time I had to leave home for the appointment. But there was no yellow sticky on the door, and online it still says that the package is "out for delivery," so I just have to wait for it to arrive...

Is it nap time yet? All that excitement this morning is making me sleepy...

Operation Keep Baby Cookin' - Part V

All right, I think this post will finally catch me up to the present, as far as updates go...

Friday, March 25: 30-week OB appointment with Dr. Y (though technically I turned 31 weeks the following day; my appointment days got messed up by the trip to L&D on the 8th).

I told the nurse that I was due to have a fetal fibronectin test done, along with a cervical check, per instructions of the perinatologist. She got the fFN test out for the doctor, but turns out Dr. Y didn't do it, because she said it was too soon. My last fFN was done on March 15, and so two weeks wouldn't be until the 29th (this coming Tuesday). Ah well (though I'm wondering if this stricture had more to do with insurance than the test itself).

Anyway, Dr. Y did check my cervix, and found that it's further dilated than last time, at about 2 cm. Oh dear. Doc decided to put me on the fetal monitor again, to check whether I was actively contracting. I wasn't, but my uterus was definitely irritable, showing small peaks and valleys on the graph.

So guess where I went next? Yup, Dr. Y sent me over to L&D for monitoring (I confess I stopped at McDonald's on the way because I knew they wouldn't let me eat once I got there). But here I go, yet again (this is the fourth time now). I'm glad they want to be careful and all, but geez. I mean, this time, one of the nurses and the resident remembered me, and I them. Well, I suppose it can't hurt to build up a rapport for when it really counts.

I spent a couple of hours there, hooked up to the monitors. I'd brought a couple of books, including, this time, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, but found it was too heavy to prop up or rest on my belly, so I turned on the TV instead, and watched the first hour or so of Unbreakable (M. Night Shyamalan's 2000 flick starring Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson).

Eventually, the resident came back in and checked the graphs -- nothing of note save a bit more irritability. She also did another manual cervical check -- still holding at between 1-2 cm dilated (whew!). Then she did a biophysical profile on the baby via ultrasound, and it only took her about 10 minutes to see all the signs she was looking for. Yay for baby!

After running her findings by my OB, the resident discharged me back to "house arrest," telling me that my OB wanted to see me in a couple of days. Well, I already had an appointment set for Wednesday, was that soon enough? Yup, that would be fine.

Wednesday will be telling, as I expect to find out (at least) three things:

1. Did I pass the 3-hour glucose tolerance test?

2. Do I have another two-week reprieve from pre-term delivery (will this next fFN come back negative too)?

3. Can I attend the baby shower the folks at work are throwing for me and two others this coming Thursday?

I hope the answer to all three questions is YES! Wish me luck!!!

Cardiologist update #2

I got a voice mail message from my cardiologist's office on Monday (the 21st), telling me that Dr. F wanted to see me as soon as possible, because he had something he wanted to talk to me about in person. And, by the way, he's already talked to my obstetrician about it too. So please call us back so we can schedule an appointment.

Uh oh. What's wrong now?

When I call back, the receptionist says that the earliest Dr. F can see me is Thursday afternoon (the 24th). Three days later? Hmmm. All right, I say to myself. Can't be all that serious then, if they're willing to let me wait that long to hear the news.

Fast forward past the glucose test to Thursday, and finally I get to hear what all the hubbub is about.

It's not my blood pressure. That's been pretty well behaved lately. It's my heart rate, which hasn't been lower than 100 for a little while now. Dr. F is concerned as to why it's so high. I had been complaining that my pulse has been throbbing in my neck and head, especially when lying down, and also experiencing some palpitations, and it seems that it's related to the increased heart rate. Earlier in March, Dr. F had me come in for an echocardiogram, and at this appointment he went over the results with me.

In comparison to the echo that I had a year or so ago, in which all my heart functions appeared normal, this time my heart showed some less than optimal functioning. Apparently my heart is weakening, and compensating by beating faster. All this is likely due to the extra stress on my system from the pregnancy -- especially the increased blood volume. While this is not dangerous in and of itself, it can become a serious problem if it goes on for too long -- the heart can become enlarged and something he called cardiomyopathy can result. At least this is the gist of what I understood from what he said. So we're looking at something that, should it get bad enough, could affect me even after the baby is born.

In the spectrum of "Don't Even Worry About It" to "OMG Emergency STAT!," Dr. F said we're somewhere in the middle; this is something that we need to take seriously and do something about, but there's no need to freak out about it... yet.

The solution (for now): Dr. F put me on another medication (I'm already taking methyldopa for the high blood pressure), Lopressor (generic metoprolol). It's a beta blocker that will help slow my heart rate, the hope being that if we can get my heart to calm down, it will function better, and we can forestall any damage. He's started me on a low dose, 25 mg twice a day, and I'll see him on April 4 to see how I'm doing and whether that's enough.

As he's telling me this, I'm thinking, but wait, aren't beta blockers contraindicated during pregnancy? I asked Dr. F how safe this medication is for baby, and he tells me that yes, there are risks, but we need to weigh the risks against the benefits. He said the main side effect of Lopressor on fetuses is that it can cause intrauterine growth restriction, or IUGR. The caveat is that I'm far enough along in the pregnancy that the majority of growing the baby will be doing from now on is just gaining weight -- most critical development is already complete. It would have been a bigger deal if I had to start taking this drug in my first or second trimesters, but since I'm well into my third, it will have a less deleterious effect than during those earlier crucial weeks.

So, yeah. I'm not keen on taking this medication, but, if I have to weigh the chance of my baby being a little bit smaller at birth than perhaps he or she could have been against my developing a heart problem that could permanently affect my quality of life (and my ability to be there for my child as he or she grows up), well it seems doing nothing is a bigger risk to my health than the drug will be to the baby's.

Not an easy pill to swallow (pun intended). I think I've just gotten my first taste of that parental willingness to suffer so that one's child doesn't have to. I just hate the thought of taking something that might harm my baby. At the same time, I take some comfort in the fact that baby is already measuring ahead size- and weight-wise, so maybe baby has some growth to spare. Plus, the perinatologist is already doing growth ultrasounds to make sure my hypertension isn't causing IUGR, so Dr. F suggested that they may want to do the growth ultrasounds more often than originally planned from here on out, in order to track how the baby is affected by the introduction of this medication.

Of course, this is all provided that the baby stays put...

Stay tuned for Operation Keep Baby Cookin' Part V ---

Intermission: Drinking the Juice

And now, a word for our "sponsor," Glucola*:

YUCK.

*Oh and I'm kidding. Glucola isn't sponsoring anything here, and I'd probably turn them down if they offered.

On Wednesday morning, March 23, I went for my 3-hour glucose tolerance test, having failed my 1-hour. Let me tell ya, that was fun... not!

I find the logic behind this test rather mystifying. First, we're going to make you drink this bottle of liquid, which contains 50 grams of sugar (and you must do so in 5 minutes or less -- chug chug chug), and then take a blood sample after one hour (by the way, please skip breakfast). Sounds like a sugar crash waiting to happen, and I already know I'm susceptible to metabolic nosedives when eating sugary stuff on an empty stomach.

But if you fail, you get to drink a bottle of liquid containing twice as much sugar (100 grams) -- and you must do this after fasting since midnight; we'll draw blood first to prove it -- and then we'll take more blood samples, every hour, on the hour, for three hours. How is anybody supposed to survive that, having failed the easier test?! I know that there are lots of bionic women who do, but it honestly sounds like something ripped out of an edition of Failure for Dummies.

I don't know yet whether I've passed the test, but I did survive it... barely. I felt extremely sleepy for most of the three-hour wait; while I had brought a lengthy book to read (Ken Follett's Pillars of the Earth -- I'm rereading it to get ready to dig into the long-awaited sequel World Without End) along with a Monopoly game on my Palm Pilot (yes, Palm Pilots have existed and still do exist, despite what the blank looks of some Radio Shack and Best Buy employees would have you believe), I found that I spent most of the time with my eyes closed and hoping to nod off. [Sorry for the run-on sentence, but I couldn't help myself; maybe it will read better if you translate this paragraph into German.]

I never managed to sleep. I found that I could only keep my eyes closed for so long before starting to feel slightly nauseous. The worst part was during the last hour. I started feeling super warm and flushed, like I was having a hot flash or something. And I was nauseous again. I knew that if I threw up I'd have to do it again, so I got the attention of the nearest lab tech and told her I wasn't feeling well. She came right over and was going to have me lie down in their "infirmary" but it was already occupied. So instead she gave me a small cup half full of water to drink. I was nervous to drink it, knowing that could spike my nausea too, so I sipped the water for the next 10 minutes or so. That seemed to do the trick, and I made it to my last blood draw. Whew!

If I fail, I fail, but at least I don't have to go through that again... well, until next time.

Operation Keep Baby Cookin' - Part IV

So now we're up to the 30-week OB appointment, which was last Friday, March 18. This time I saw Dr. Y. All the routine stuff was done, along with the manual check of my cervix. Dr. Y said that it didn't look like anything had changed; I was still only dilated about 1 cm. Good!

As she was finishing up the exam, we discussed what I should look out for. One of the things I've been having trouble with is recognizing what is a contraction, and what is not. Sometimes my belly distorts in such a way that it seems as if the baby is doing yoga... particularly Downward Dog. The right side of my belly sticks out strangely and it's really hard, while the rest of my belly slopes up to it. Dr. Y said to check and see if my whole uterus was tight, or just that area. If the rest is soft, then it's most likely the baby, not a contraction. Seems this is baby's attempt at yoga then, as the rest of my uterus seems pretty soft.

But wouldn't you know it, as soon as I start getting up off of the table, I start to feel some tightness and pressure. I mention this to Dr. Y, and she notices that my belly is hard all over. So she says, let's put you on the monitor to see what's going on. I go down the hall to another exam room, get strapped in, and begin to spend some quality time with some trashy gossip magazines, catching up on princess-to-be Kate Middleton's wedding planning, and the meteoric downfall of Mr. Winning himself, psychostar Charlie Sheen.

About 20 minutes into it, Dr. Y comes in and notices that baby is sleeping, so she goes and gets me a lollipop, hoping the sugar will wake him or her up. Bingo, baby is up and running shortly after.

End result: not a single contraction (yay!) and I got to witness baby doing Downward Dog too, and saw that the machine didn't react, so at least I learned that that bit of acrobatics is all baby, all the time.

Finally, time to leave the OB office (it's a good thing I'm already on leave from work, or else I'd be racking up tons of sick time)! But before I am completely free to go, I get some more news.

I failed the 1-hour glucose screening test.

And it's not like I just missed the cutoff. Apparently I epic failed it. Just ducky.

Now I get to take the 3-hour.

What next???

Operation Keep Baby Cookin' - Part III

After one week of modified bed rest...

...I went back to the high risk doctor to see how my cervix was doing. I had a different doctor this time, Dr. W. First though, the ultrasound tech brought me in, and she took a look at the baby to make sure everything was okay with him/her. I'm not really sure what the tech was looking for or measuring; it wasn't a growth ultrasound. Had a very faint hope for another attempt to see the baby's face, but alas, twas not to be.

Then Dr. W. came in and introduced herself (cool, I wasn't expecting a female doctor!) and then proceeded with the exam. She did another fetal fibronectin test, and then a manual check of my cervix. After that, the tech did an internal ultrasound to measure my cervix.

The good news: my cervix was no shorter than last time, still around 1.8 cm.

The bad news: my cervix was now dilated 1 cm.

*blink*

*blink*

Um, yikes?!

Needless to say, Dr. W. said that bed rest should continue, and her big goal was to get me to 32 weeks (April 2). At 32 weeks, a fetus has the same survival rate as a full-term one (though it will need some time to get acclimated in the NICU). Dr. W. said that she would even consider letting me go back to work once I reach 32 weeks (and see what happens).

Really?? I'm sorry, but my goal is to let my baby get as close to full term as possible, thankyouverymuch. Plus, the way I am feeling, and my distractedness over the possibility of going into labor at any time, was likely not going to make me a very effective employee. At this point, I was feeling very glad that my OB had already made the call that I wouldn't be going back to work. And Dr. W. even said that as the high risk doctor, it is up to her to make recommendations to my regular OB, but my regular OB is the one who calls all the shots. So there.

Anyway... my next instruction was to see my OB again on Friday for my weekly check-up (30 weeks) and to have a manual check of my cervix (Dr. W. said that ultrasounds would no longer be as effective). Then the following week, week 31, provided that day's fFN came back negative, I should have another one done along with the manual check. And then I'd see the peri again at my usual growth ultrasound at 32 weeks (4 weeks since the last).

All righty then.

Later that afternoon I got a call from the nurse to say that the fFN had come back negative... YAYAYAYAY! Another reprieve, we have at least until March 29 (or something)! I got another call, this time from Dr. W., the following evening, double checking to make sure I'd gotten the fFN results (she was on her way out of town and wanted to be certain someone had contacted me -- very nice of her).

And so it goes... ONWARD!

Operation Keep Baby Cookin' - Part II

To continue with my blog backlog...

I went to see my OB Friday of that same week, on March 11, for my 28-week appointment. I had thought that, because of all of the drama with the peri that this visit would be more eventful, but really it was the same as always -- with one minor exception. When I reminded Dr. P. of my visit to L&D on Tuesday, and being put on bed rest for a week by the peri, she kind of laughed/snorted and said to me, "You know you're not going back to work, right? With all the issues you're having, it's time to pull you out. We want this baby to keep cooking as long as possible."

I honestly was a bit taken aback. I guess since the peri had been so nonchalant about everything, I hadn't really considered that I was facing something long term. Plus, I still had 12 weeks left before my due date... how could I be out of work this early??? At the same time, there was a part of me that tried to calculate what kind of improvement I would need to make in order to be fine to go back to work, and I wasn't coming up with much. Or rather, based on how I'd been feeling the past three days, I didn't see much progress; I was still having contractions now and then, and my belly seemed to tense up and cramp up whenever I stayed on my feet for too long (read: a few minutes). Sitting in a reclined position, or lying down on my side, were, and continue to be, the most comfortable ways to be.

Still, I felt like I should wait for the week to play itself out, and see what the peri said on Tuesday, before making any grand announcements, i.e., at work.

I have to say though, that, looking back, I was probably overdoing it. Lots on my mind trying to get a handle on things at work, trying to get things organized at home for baby's arrival, plus DH and I were running to childbirth classes two nights a week, back-to-back, among other things. I hadn't been getting enough sleep, and felt like I spent the week struggling to make it to the weekend so I could recuperate.

Well, I got served. And, to be honest, I'm kinda glad. Not to have the threat of preterm delivery hanging over my head -- I don't mean that at all. Just glad to be stepping out of the mix for a while, and spending some time focusing on what really matters... making sure my little bean grows healthy and strong.

Operation Keep Baby Cookin' - Part I

Sorry, I know I am long overdue for an update here, and a lot has been going on. So here goes:

On March 8, I had my 28-week growth ultrasound with the Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist (or perinatologist; MFM or peri for short). Baby looked great; measured 3 lbs, 6 oz (still 70th percentile), all anatomy seemed to be as it should be, and amniotic fluid level was fine. Unfortunately Little Oatmeal decided to be a stinker and hid his or her face as if s/he was running from the paparazzi, and so we got no good pics (and I was really hoping to see those chubby cheeks again, ah well). However, the tech managed to get this shot (I guess she felt bad for us and wanted us to have some memento):

No surprise this kid will have big feet (seeing as how I wear a size 13N and DH's feet are bigger than mine), but I do hope there was some magnification in that image, or I might have as much trouble getting the feet out as the head, LOL.

When the ultrasound was over, the doctor asked me how things were going. I mentioned that I was feeling some cramps down low, and had been since the evening before. On Monday, March 7, DH and I had gone for our last childbirth education class at the hospital, which included a tour of the maternity ward. While walking around, I'd noticed a lot of pressure and menstrual-like cramps at my bikini line, but hadn't thought much about them, since they were very similar to cramps I'd had a month ago, which had been attributed to round ligament pain (granted I'd ended up going to L&D for them, but they hadn't been contractions). When I got home from the class, it was late enough that I figured I'd just drink a ton of water and go to bed, since those had been the instructions last time. Well, the cramps never really subsided and even woke me up during the night, so I knew I should mention them at the appointment the next morning.

Little did I know, I was not crying "Wolf!" this time (wasn't last time either, as it was the OB on-call who told me to go to L&D to get checked out, but it was still hard to know if I was overreacting or if this was something serious). Since the cramps weren't letting up (and such cramps are a possible sign of preterm labor) my peri decided it was worth taking a look and doing a fetal fibronectin (fFN) test to see if anything was really going on. So he took the fFN swab, did a manual check on my cervix (the first time I'd ever had a male doctor, which was a little weird at first, especially with DH in the room too), and also had the tech measure my cervix with an internal ultrasound.

The verdict: my cervix was high and closed (good), but had shortened to 1.8 cm (not so good; ironically, this was downplayed a bit by the peri, as he only commented that this was "shorter than I like to see"). And off I went to L&D to get monitored for contractions. Oh wait, before I got carted off to perinatal triage (they sent for a wheel chair for me, even), the doc gave me the fFN test tube and told me to hand it directly to the nurse that admits me (we'd get the results faster that way). He also said that, provided the fFN test comes back negative and the monitoring goes well, I should go home, not go back to work for a week, and instead I was to "act like a slug, akin to the morning after partying too hard at college." Then I should come back in and have my cervix measured again.

So off to L&D I went, and they hooked me up to the monitors. DH actually had to leave to go to his hernia surgery follow-up appointment (everything looks great, thank goodness), so I spent some time connecting with work to let them know I was not going to be in this afternoon after all. About an hour into monitoring, the nurse came in carrying some tubes and bags and a syringe and said, "We're going to put an IV in, because you're having contractions." What??? I AM??? Whoa. I couldn't feel them at all; yet, apparently, they were coming every 4 minutes. "But these are Braxton-Hicks, then, right?", I asked. "Nope," the nurse said, "they're the real thing."

So when DH called to check on me, and I told him what was up, we both freaked out a bit (well me more than him, I think). He wondered if he should just get something quick to eat (it was lunch time), or go home, gobble some leftovers, and grab our hospital bag. Thing is, we don't have a hospital bag packed yet! I was only 28 weeks... figured I had at least another 8-9 weeks before needing to get that ready. I started to lose it: "I don't want a March baby... I want a May one!" But DH, ever relaxed under pressure, said, "Why not? We'll manage, whatever happens." I still felt like 28 weeks was way too soon to be going into labor, but knowing that DH was on an even keel helped calm me down quite a bit.

A little later, DH arrived, and we got the fFN test results back: NEGATIVE. Woo hoo hoo and then some; this meant it would be extremely unlikely that I would go into labor within the next two weeks!

Contractions started to settle down too. They were still happening, but had spread out to about 6 minutes apart. I asked why I was having real contractions, but yet they weren't doing anything. The resident OB said, "Some women just have them." Later the nurse said that "for some reason, your uterus is just irritated." Ah, an irritable ute. I've heard of those, but never knew what they were. Now I do. Introducing: Gertrude the Irritable.

They said I could go home, and that I should make an appointment to see my regular OB on Thursday or Friday, and then come back to the peri the following Tuesday.

And so began my week of modified bed rest. Or so I thought.

To be continued...

Hiccups

Weirdest. Sensation. Ever. Woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday, and while lying in bed, felt this thump thump thump thump thump thump thump... in my belly. It went on and on and on. At first I thought maybe I was hearing the baby's heartbeat, but it was slower than that, and faster than mine. Then I remembered that the baby could be hiccuping. Ahhh... so that's what it feels like!

I never got hiccups myself; well, they only lasted a hic or two and then stopped, so it was kind of an alien feeling to me. They say (you know, the all-knowing They) that the baby doesn't feel discomfort from hiccups, and, well, I sure hope not (how do they know???)!

Cardiologist update #1

I had a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist scheduled for yesterday, which was a good thing because I have still been feeling the throbbing in my head and neck (and sometimes my sinuses) at times... usually when I am trying to fall asleep, or driving, or reading at my desk (chin down). What I've noticed, is that while my blood pressure is fine, my heart rate is elevated. The past week or so my heart rate hasn't been below 100 (whenever I've used my home BP monitor), and has sometimes been as high as 120-130 bpm.

I told all this to Dr. F. and he called my OB (Dr. K.) to discuss possibly adding another medication. Luckily he came back from the discussion saying they both agreed that medication wasn't yet the way to go. Instead I will go back on Thursday for an echocardiogram and another stint with the Holter monitor. He also drew blood yesterday to check my thyroid levels, which haven't been checked since just after I got pregnant.

Meanwhile I am experimenting with ways to mitigate the throbbing when going to sleep. Last night I sat in the recliner for a while before going to bed, and although I was a bit uncomfortable and felt some throbbing while sitting there, I didn't feel any throbbing once I got into bed. Seems the throbbing is the strongest when I am lying down because my heart isn't fighting gravity to pump blood everywhere, so maybe sitting with my feet up for a while helped my heart get prepped for sleep. We'll see if that works tonight too.

Best thing is, neither doctor sees this as a medical problem per se, it's not hurting me or the baby, primarily just a comfort one. It would be great if there was a solution (preferably one that didn't require more meds), but hey, if all it is is just another uncomfortable pregnancy symptom, then no biggie, I can deal.

Next up: Growth ultrasound (more baby pics?!?) on Tuesday, 28-week OB appointment on Wednesday, and the echocardiogram on Thursday.

I hab uh cold :(

Ugh. Last night at our Bradley class I started to notice my throat felt scratchy, and this morning I woke up with a full blown sore throat, my eyes are watery, and I feel drained.

Came in to work for a meeting, but going home right after. Might grab some work to bring home, but probably it all can wait.

I need rest. I've been running around like crazy for the past few days, and stressing out about, oh, everything (childbirth classes, my birth plan, epidurals, daycare, pediatricians, baby shower, registering for said baby shower, ordering a crib, organizing the nursery, getting ready for maternity leave at work... I could go on) and it's all catching up to me.

Calgon, take me away! Or chicken soup... whatever works.

Baby finally kicked Daddy... yay! ;)

I keep trying to get my dear husband (DH) to feel when the baby moves, which is often when we're waking up in the morning. I'll have him put his hand on my tummy, but he's usually so groggy waking up that he falls back asleep and starts snoring away. Either that, or if he's still awake and the baby kicks, I ask him if he felt it and he says, "Huh...what?"
But today... victory! DH had his arm across my tummy this morning and baby nearly kicked it right off of me. I said to him, "There's NO way you didn't just feel that!" He agreed.
Woo hoo!

Follow-up with cardiologist

Saw the cardiologist yesterday afternoon. My blood pressure was a little on the higher-than-normal side, but not overly concerning (130/88). He said that it looks like I am just experiencing side effects of my heart pumping harder to keep up with the extra blood flow, which may be aggravated by my chronic hypertension. So he increased my blood pressure medication dosage again, in the hopes that this will allow my heart to calm down a bit and not work so hard. He said too that the reason I may feel the most pounding and throbbing in my neck at night is because when lying down, my heart is not fighting gravity anymore and so the blood flow is even stronger. He also told me to make sure I drink enough water such that my urine is totally clear (this is hard to do when taking prenatals, though!)

So I'm hoping the meds adjustment will make a difference. I actually did sleep better last night and only felt a little bit of throbbing early in the morning.

Valentine's Day (or, Another Trip to L&D)

First off, the end result is that baby and I are fine. I had an episode of a high blood pressure reading this afternoon, which prompted my OB to send me to the ER and to L&D for monitoring. BP is back within normal range now, but here's what went down:

I had been feeling weird all morning (palpitations that I was feeling in my throat and a little bit fuzzy headedness that didn't go away), which prompted me to go to CVS to test my bp. As I've probably mentioned before, I'm on meds for high blood pressure and test my bp every day, but never thought to bring my cuff with me to work (I will from now on!). At CVS my bp measured 152/101 and then 150/104, so I was a little freaked out. A friend of mine went with me, and as a control she did her bp (she is also pregnant and had just had her bp checked this morning), but hers came out fine, so while I was skeptical of the CVS monitor I still was feeling out of sorts so I called my OB.

OB told me to call my cardiologist, who I already see for the chronic hypertension. Receptionist there gave me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon (Tuesday). Didn't really help address the immediate concerns, so I called my OB office back and they told me to come in to check my bp.

My bp at the OB was 124/86, but since I wasn't feeling any better overall my doc sent me to the hospital. Told me to go first to the ER to get an EKG to check my heart and the palpitations, then to go on to L&D to make sure baby was okay.

Luckily everything checked out fine - EKG, blood count, sugar level, no protein in urine, baby did fine on the monitor (but was squirming around so much the nurse had to reposition the belt several times!) and ultrasound too.

Verdict? Stress? Fatigue? I'm not sure. I still don't feel 100%, but am at least gladly reassured that the baby's not in harm's way. I will go to the cardiologist tomorrow and see what he says about the persistent discomfort from the palpitations and heart pounding; it's keeping me awake at night and it's hard to find a comfortable position while sitting either. Seems silly to have had to go through 7 hours of monitoring and tests, but I'm glad to find out that everything is okay.

Now, I'm just pooped!

Belly (button) dancing

So I was sitting down relaxing in my recliner tonight, after drinking some juice so I could make sure LO (Little Oatmeal) is moving around like s/he should. As I watched (and tried to listen with my prenatal listener -- it's not a doppler, unfortunately), I noticed that my semi-outie belly button was moving in and out and around, and NOT in time to my own breathing!

It was a little freaky, and a lot cool... it's the first outward sign of movement I've seen! 'Course I did see a little jiggle of my belly right after, but when I told DH to come look, all was quiet on the belly front. Ah well.

My trip to L&D yesterday

I called my OB's office yesterday morning and spoke with the Doc on call. Told her my symptom, and that I wasn't sure if this was something to be concerned about, and was surprised that she told me to go get checked out, "to be on the safe side." My cramps are definitely a potential symptom of pre-term labor, though they can be attributed to other issues.

So, DH and I made a visit to our hospital's Perinatal Assessment & Treatment (PET) Unit (aka the triage or intake section of the Labor & Delivery/Maternity Ward) yesterday afternoon. They strapped me to a fetal monitor, and another one that detected contractions. Heartbeats and uterus were observed for about an hour, and luckily nothing of concern was found; baby's heart rate was comfortably variable, averaging about 158 bpm, and I wasn't anywhere near contracting. Cervical check showed that my cervix is high and thick and shut up like Fort Knox (or should I say "like a medieval fortress," to go along with the AMA theme, LOL?).

Then what's with all these cramps, you say? Well, the resident said it was most likely round ligament pain, or else it could be my fibroids acting up. I'd rather it be RLP, but I do go for a growth ultrasound tomorrow morning, so that should help determine whether my fibroids are behaving themselves.

The resident discharged me, telling me that pretty much, all looks normal, and I can take Tylenol to relieve the pain, but to come back if the symptoms persist or worsen, or if I don't feel the baby move. I felt the baby move a bit last night, but s/he's been quiet today so I'm trying not to get anxious, as the cramps haven't really let up... and of course I forgot to bring my Tylenol with me to work. :(

Cramps? :(

For a while now, I've felt tightness in my lower abdomen at times, which seemed to correlate with sitting for "too long." The length of time varied, and might have had as much to do with the pants (and underpants) I was wearing as anything else -- if the pants cut into my belly at all, I'm sure that hastened the discomfort. Usually this tightness has gone away after moving around or shifting positions (leaning back, etc.), or both.

Well, last night, the tightness changed a bit. Instead of just tightness, I was really feeling cramps, like when I get my period. Lasted a couple of hours and didn't really let up until after I fell asleep.

I have this sheet given to me by my doctors on signs of preterm labor. One of the symptoms is:

Menstrual-Like Cramping: Cramps low or near your pelvic bone, like before or during your period. Cramping may come and go or be constant.

Ugh. I'm only experiencing this one symptom, so I'm not sure if this is normal or a warning sign. Guess it's time to call the doctor, just to be on the safe side. I have my next growth ultrasound at the perinatologist's on Tuesday, but I don't think I should wait until then. It's all fine and dandy that I've reached the viability stage of my pregnancy (24 weeks), but I do not want my baby born too soon!

By the way, I feel the baby kick and can tell s/he is getting stronger... so it's reassuring to feel those pops and punches while all this stuff is going on.

Thumpdate

So, I saw my cardiologist (Dr. F) on Friday, and he said the likely culprit of my heartbeat variations is just that my heart is working harder to get all the extra blood flowing... on the whole, a fairly normal occurrence during pregnancy. Well that's good! My blood pressure was a bit elevated when the nurse checked it, 140/80, and my readings at home have been in the mid 120s/mid 80s, with occasional 130s, and the rare 140 or 90... so, Dr. F decided to increase my medication dosage. I had been on the lowest dose of methyldopa (Aldomet), 250mg, 3 times a day (at least I think that's the lowest dose). Now I'll take 500 mg twice a day, and 250 mg at night, in the hopes that lowering my BP will help calm the pounding a bit.

Dr. F also hooked me up with a Holter monitor to get a 24-hour reading on my heart beats. I think I gave him some "good" material. I had several "episodes" of thumping irregular beats throughout the afternoon and evening, so hopefully he will be able to see if there's anything else amiss -- which I sincerely hope not! I started the new dosage of medication, but it probably takes a few days to kick in, but I certainly hope that helps!

Pitter Patter... THUMP

Pitter. Patter. Pitter. Patter. Pitter. Patter... THUMP. Pitter. Patter. Pitter. Patter. Pitter. Patter... THUMP. This is the sound (sort of) that greeted me as I checked my pulse while lying down trying to nap on Monday afternoon. Heart was beating (always a good thing), a little fast (that's all right, I suppose), but then would pause for a beat (uh oh), and then go BOOM with a really strong beat (um, WTF?). Needless to say, I didn't fall asleep that nap time (kind of afraid to, and was a bit uncomfortable anyway).

Called my OB, and talked with Dr. P., who said it sounds like palpitations and that they're not too unusual, but then:

- Oh wait, you've the one with WPW, right?

- Well, yes, I had WPW until I had it "fixed" about a decade ago, and my cardiologist says it no longer shows up in my EKG, but yeah that's me.

- Okay then, why don't you make an appointment with your cardiologist, and he can do an EKG and maybe a Holter monitor to check it all out.

So, on Friday morning I will go see Dr. F. and see what the deal is. Hopefully it's nothing, and was just the result of me starting to freak out about the price of day care in Northern New Jersey.

Oh, about that WPW. It stands for Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome, and means that I was born with an extra conduction pathway for the electrical signal that starts the heartbeat. At times this pathway can get activated (sort of like my heart beat taking a shortcut) and start a rapid heartbeat or tachycardia. I first started having episodes when I was about 6, and they were pretty manageable until I started rowing freshman year in college (so I quit the team, had tests done, was put on medication, and then was able to row all of sophomore year). Medication worked for a while until an episode in grad school (working out at the gym) that sent me to the emergency room with a heartbeat of over 200 bpm. This prompted my doctor's urging that I finally did something surgical to fix the issue. So in 1997 I had a catheter ablation to get rid of the extra pathway. Since then I've been episode-free. I'm not sure if WPW can come back after that, but I certainly hope not, especially not now!

Is it catching? One thing that I will be interested in finding out is if I have passed on this wonderful cardiac quirk to my wee little babe. Though it doesn't look like I acquired the trait through heredity, it does have a genetic component and I could pass it on myself. Since our trisomy results at the NT screen were so good, we opted out of the CVS and amnio, and didn't feel the necessity to go through those tests just to find out whether the WPW gene was present. We can test for it after birth, which I think we will. And while I don't wish WPW on anyone, at least, if my baby has it, it's something Momma has spent her lifetime dealing with, so hopefully it won't freak me out too much to see it happening. LOL, yeah, not. It's one thing to go through something yourself, entirely another to watch someone else suffer (witness my anxiety over DH's hernia surgery Friday -- which went super well, by the way). Guess I should talk to my Momma, and see how she felt!

Snowy Day Update

Morning commute was horrible. Snow coming down fast, spent the whole time driving wondering what the devil I was doing trying to get to work (oh yeah, I work so I can get paid... ok that makes sense). Took twice as long to get there, and just as I'm taking off my coat and turning on my computer I get a text message from a co-worker saying, "We're closing up at noon. If you're not already here, don't bother coming in!" Great timing.

Turns out, this actually resulted in one of my more productive mornings of late. The last couple of weeks I have felt super sluggish and achy, and no amount of sleep seems to alleviate my fatigue. But, since DH will be going in for hernia surgery on Friday (something that needed to be taken care of before the baby gets here, and before I morph into a beached whale), and there is the threat of snow tomorrow as well, I realized I needed to get things in order and grab stuff to take home with me... just in case. Nothing like a hard deadline to get the adrenaline pumping.

So now I am home, feeling like a nap is coming on. Or maybe I'll just hang out on the recliner and watch the snow fall. Sounds about my speed today.

To back up a bit: I had my 22-week OB appointment yesterday; all is well. I asked about the possibility that I might be able to have a med-free birth experience, and whether it would make sense to take Bradley method childbirth classes (something I've been looking into, and which would start in a couple of weeks). Dr. K. said she thought the classes would be beneficial to take, though she couldn't guarantee that I could deliver med- or intervention-free. And for the first time, this pregnancy, I heard the phrase "higher risk" applied to my situation. Was wondering when that would happen. Given my age, and my high blood pressure, the fibroids, and the fact that I am being seen by high risk doctors in addition to my regular OB, I'd thought I'd have a scarlet letter H sewn in to all my maternity clothes long ago. I have to admit though, it's kind of nice that the doctors aren't making assumptions, and at least humoring me that, provided my blood pressure and the fibroids stay under control, I might be able to delivery without intervention.

That said, I'm not 100% convinced that I want to deliver med-free... I just don't really like the mechanics of getting an epidural, even though I hear they can make delivery a dream. All the same, I like having options, and I'll do what is necessary to get this baby safely from my womb to the world.

***

Ever had to wear braces? Or a retainer? Remember what it felt like maybe a day or two after getting them tightened... that dull ache that just doesn't go away (or disappears until it's time to put your teeth to some responsible use)? Well, it occurred to me that I'm sort of having a flashback to that sensation, only this time it's my pelvis that is being forcibly corrected. I am really achy "down there" sometimes, and it feels as if my pubic bone is being stretched apart. Fun stuff, let me tell ya. Doc says it's completely normal though, just another way my body is getting ready for Operation Get Baby Out. Well, no horseback or bicycle riding for me any time soon (snow and desire notwithstanding). I'm hobbled enough as it is.

OMG... half-way already?!?

Happy New Year! I know I've neglected my poor blog for the last couple of weeks, but hopefully today's post will make up for it. :)

I can't believe I'm at 20 weeks already. While it hasn't exactly flown by, it's still unreal to me that there's only 20 weeks left to go. I am starting to feel very unprepared!

The holidays were fun, but not so relaxing. I spent much of the week between Christmas and New Year's traveling to visit friends and family, including spending 8 hours driving through the blizzard in Pennsylvania and New Jersey (I didn't say all of the travel was smart). Oh, and DH and I went emergency car shopping and bought a new family vehicle. Yeah, DH's car broke down and we found out the engine is shot. So now Operation Gratitude has converted our old car into some care packages for our troops, and we, in turn, have found ourselves a new set of wheels. Probably better that this happened now, rather than, oh, say 5 months from now, but it certainly threw a curveball into our vacation plans.

On to some baby news...

DH and I went for my Level II ultrasound on Tuesday. The baby was squirming all around, but the tech was able to (eventually) get all the measurements she needed (hardest of all was the right hand, which the baby seemed to want to hide from us. Personally I was most fascinated to see the heart. The tech got a really good shot of it beating, and I could clearly see all four chambers working away. We didn't find out the sex, and apparently the tech didn't even check (I imagine she saw anyway, she did measure both thigh bones after all, but was really good at keeping quiet about it). So we remain solidly Team Green!

At one point the tech asked me how my due date had been calculated, and I told her it was based off of my first ultrasound. Then she asked DH and me how big we were at birth. Why? Because our baby is measuring a week ahead of schedule, at a whopping 14 1/2 ounces (this ultrasound was done at 19w3d)! I wasn't a big baby -- only 6lbs, 9 oz -- but DH was a little over 8 lbs -- still not huge. I guess it's not surprising that our baby is measuring big -- DH and I are both 6'0" tall, after all. Oh boy... or girl!

Our doctor came in and said that everything looked great. He asked us if we intended to do an amnio, and we told him that we only wanted to do one if the ultrasound showed anything of concern. The doctor said, then no, I don't see any reason you need one. Woot!

The only downside to the visit is that the tech found that I have two more fibroids, making a total now of four. Doc said that they likely won't present any problem, but they want to watch on in particular, which is lower down on my uterus, and could possibly grow to block the birth canal (mandating a Caesarian). Not the end of the world, and I'll do what I need to get my baby out safely, but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

Next up: OB appointment on Monday, and then I'll see the perinatologist again in 4 weeks.

So now for the fun part... pics!

It's still hard to believe this little person is squirming around inside of me. I've felt a few "pops" and bubbles, especially the afternoon following the ultrasound, but it's still so surreal.

It was difficult for the tech to get a good shot, but the doc managed to catch this one... not too shabby! I feel like I need to eat more though, put some more meat on her/his bones... but apparently baby will "flesh out" over time.

Pretty cool stuff!

And of course, Gertrude the Bump wanted some air-time too... so here she is at 20 weeks, looking like I swallowed a soccer ball...