Week 10: Baby is the size of...

... a hot dog. Well, not really. This week my baby is supposed to be the size of a prune... err, excuse me, dried plum.* But in my travels through cyberspace this past week, I happened across an image of a baby in a hot dog costume.** I know that comparing my new inhabitant's size to that of widely accessible food products is supposed to help me understand how its growth is progressing, but somehow the notion of a baby slathered in ketchup and mustard, cradled in a toasted bun just seems wrong. As in Jonathan Swift's satiric yet "modest" proposal wrong.

At the same time, it's making me hungry (and the costume IS kind of cute, in a disturbing sort of way). Well, as hot dogs are off limits too, I guess I'll go make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead. Baby's bigger than a peanut by now, I think. So I should be safe.

Happy Halloween!

*Apparently prunes are undergoing an image makeover, in an attempt to broaden their consumer base beyond those of Advanced Constipated Age. So now they preferred to be called The Fruit Formerly Known As Prune.

**The picture above is not the picture I saw earlier this week, but for the life of me I cannot find it. I think the actual costume that struck my eye was made by Gymboree, but their website only shows it empty. :(

And... we're okay!

Called the doctor's office as soon as they opened and was able to be seen in fairly short order. My regular doctor (Dr. K.) is out on Thursdays (it's the day she does surgery), but since I will rotate through the other doctors in the practice throughout the pregnancy anyway, I was just glad that someone could see me today. Today it was Dr. P. She's awesome (and, by the way, I love it that all the physicians in the practice are female).

So, it does seem that the bleeding is all due to the second sac resolving itself -- being reabsorbed, squashed out by the thriving fetus, whathaveyou. I just hadn't expected to experience this much bleeding (this morning when I woke up, it was like being surprised by getting my period). Dr. P. said she can't tell me how long to expect the bleeding to go on for, but she showed me that the second sac is much smaller than the healthy one, whether through its own dissolution or because the other one continues to grow, or both. Eventually though, it should disappear.

Otherwise, cervix looked good, which was very reassuring, and the baby looks great. Saw the heartbeat again, and the baby jiggled around a little while we watched. It wasn't waving its arms as much as the last time, but what amazed me this time was how much more developed it seemed, even after only three days! On Monday, it looked more blob-like, but today, I think you can see one of its eyes, and maybe its face! And the hands and feet seem more dense, if that's the right word. I might be imagining all this, but see for yourself:

I am fascinated, much relieved and, definitely, in love. Both today and on Monday the baby measured two days ahead of its due date (May 28), but since it's only two days, Dr. P. didn't want to change the EDD.

Next up: NT Scan on November 9, and next OB visit on the 15th. Really hoping I don't have to go back to the doctor before either of these dates, though Dr. P. said that if anything comes up, or I needed reassurance, I shouldn't hesitate to call them and come in. I am so glad they are cool like that!

A bit scared...

Went to the doctor on Monday morning to follow up on the spotting I'd experienced over the weekend. Turned out everything was fine. Heartbeat good and baby measured another two days ahead of where it was last week, and I got to see it wiggle its wee arms for a second or two.

And, better yet, the spotting had stopped. Petered out by Monday afternoon, and nothing Tuesday or Wednesday.

Until this morning, when I woke up to go to the bathroom an hour before my alarm was to go off and found that I was, not spotting, but bleeding. Oh God.

So I'm on my way to my doctor's office. They don't open until 9, but I plan to call them from their parking lot and see if they can see me. I'm cramping just a little bit off and on.

I hope this is not what I fear it is. Thoughts and prayer would be appreciated. I'll keep you posted.

Six months ago today...

...DH and I got married. Saturday, April 24, 2010, Cape Cod, Massachusetts. We lucked out with beautiful weather (mid-60s and hardly a cloud in the sky). I had been incredibly stressed trying to get everything ready, but when I woke up the morning of, it was like none of that mattered (well, okay, maybe not right when I woke up, as I still had to finish composing the Prayers of the Faithful, but as soon as that was done I was able to relax). I put it all aside in my head and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It really was the perfect day.

Originally when I thought of our six-month anniversary, I imagined either going out for a nice dinner, or better yet, cooking a delicious meal and laying it all out on our new china and crystal. One of these things may still happen, but my morning sickness is persuading me toward take-out. We could still use the good plates and glasses, though.

And if we don't go out, then maybe we might go through our photographer's pictures, and start trying to figure out which ones we'd want in an album. For now, since DH is still sleeping, I'll content myself with looking at the slideshow our photographer put together for us. Have a look too, if you'd like. The background music is our First Dance song, "Ice Cream" by Sarah McLachlan (DH proposed to me by carving "Will you marry me" in a tub of Friendly's Vienna Mocha Chip).

Week 9: As the Twin Vanishes

So now that my due date moved up a day (up meaning earlier, or is that "back"? I always get that confused), it means that my gestation week switches on Saturdays, not Sundays. And it seems too, that I don't get around to updating the blog more than once a week, so it looks like Saturdays will works pretty well. I won't limit myself to once a week, but I'll make sure, at least, that I say something every Saturday!

Today has been a bit nerve wracking. Not long after waking up I found some more (and more significant) spotting... light red blood rather than the pale pink CM I'd seen previously. Only when I wiped, but it still worried me a little. I headed out to Babies-R-Us (in order to procure some B-Natal anti-morning sickness lollipops), but when I checked again at the rest room there, I saw more of the same spotting. So, rather than a leisurely hour of browsing cribs and baby clothes and generally "getting my Mom on" for the very first time, I quickly asked where the morning sickness stuff was hidden, grabbed a bunch, paid for it, checked for spotting in the rest room one more time, and then got in my car and called my OB's office. It wasn't a lot of blood by any means, and I wasn't cramping (yet, though I have been a bit since), but as it was more blood than I'd seen previously (and was blood this time, not just tinted CM)... and, well, it totally freaked me out.

The OB on call called me back a few minutes later; when my phone rang I was already making my way back home, so I pulled off the road to answer. I told her my story and she said probably it was the "vanishing twin" resolving itself, and, if it WAS more than that, there really was nothing anyone could do to stop it. So she suggested I take it easy for a few days (pelvic rest, nothing too strenuous, etc.), and call my doctor on Monday to see if they could see me next week to put my mind at ease. The spotting hasn't been as bad since, but has reappeared off and on throughout the day.

Edited to add: I wish I had thought to ask, or that my OB had come out with it on her own, how the vanishing twin would "resolve itself." [She didn't use the term "vanishing twin," but some surfing on the net showed me that this is pretty much what happened. The only major difference being that I didn't know I was carrying two until we saw that the second was already non-viable.] It would have been helpful to know ahead of time that I might experience some bleeding and cramping. While my 8-week ultrasound was affirming and joyful, it didn't really put my mind at ease at all. I've been more worried about the health of the living twin (and it's hard not to think of it as "1 of 2" now, even if the second fertilization never developed past a yoke sac) now that I know that two had been in there. Well, yeah, the spotting doesn't help.

Ugh. This is tough. I'm trying not to stress too much -- I know it's counterproductive, and likely this is all perfectly normal -- but it's hard not to worry. And DH and I are meeting with the genetic counselor on Monday to talk about testing, and that's all got me in a tizzy too (options, timing, what we would/wouldn't do with the results, etc.). I just want to know my little Gummy Bear is okay.

Houston, we have a heartbeat!

Great first prenatal appointment this morning! I was excited because (besides the obvious) it would be the first time I'd get to celebrate the news with my gynecologist, now obstetrician. I'd last seen her about two months ago at a pre-conception appointment where she'd sent me for my CD3 testing and gave me a referral to an RE. So it was sweet to see her and come for a pregnancy visit instead! DH was a trooper and joined me.

And... everything looks great. The baby is measuring a day ahead of where I thought it was. Through my charting on Fertility Friend, I thought I was at 8w1d, with an estimated due date (EDD) of May 29, 2011. The ultrasound showed 8w2d, and so my doctor put my EDD at May 28. I was glad that she listened to me when I told her that my cycles are/were on the shorter side (26 days) and that it looked like I ovulated on CD12, so the EDD based on last menstrual period (LMP) would be off by a few days... that EDD would be June 1. I know it's all guess-work anyway, and the baby will come when it comes, but well, it was nice to see all my obsessive charting not go to waste, at least.

The wild thing was that, after we got to see this cute little bean, my doctor told us that there was another sac, but there wasn't a viable baby in it. She showed it to us, and we could see that there was a yolk, but nothing else. It was surreal. In an instant I went from being pleasantly startled to wistfully sad. Pleasantly startled that it was even possible that I could have had twins, and wistful that it wasn't meant to be. The doctor said that it's unlikely that the second sac would interfere with the development of the first, which is great, but I can't help but wish a little that they both made it, or that there was only one to begin with. A mother's protective instinct starts early, I guess.

DH says that the baby looks like a Gummy Bear. It does seem to have some teddy bear-ish qualities, minus the poofy ears. If you look at the ultrasound picture, it's facing straight on, head to the left, showing little arm and leg buds, and even possibly the "belly button" and umbilical cord swinging below. I never thought I'd think of what I might see in an ultrasound image as being cute, but I can't help thinking this kid looks pretty cuddly.

Yup, I guess this kid's got me wrapped around it's little nubs of fingers already. I'm totally caught. Hook, line, and sinker.

Bass Ackwards

I think whichever of God's minions is in control of my morning sickness, he or she either slept through most of their training, or else has a sick sense of humor (no pun intended). I get it that morning sickness can happen at any time of day, so it's no big surprise that my morning sickness is actually more of an afternoon and evening deal. But I'd heard that eating is supposed to help, and I even read once that maybe one of morning sickness' purposes is to steer a mother clear of unhealthy foods.

Which is why I don't get why I feel worse after eating lunch, and even worse after dinner. Or why I had no trouble after gingerly snarfing a Whopper Jr., small fries and a small Sprite, but felt all kinds of gassy indigestion after eating yogurt, an apple, and a granola bar. Shouldn't I be reeling after ingesting all the greasy fast food, rather than the low fat healthy snacks?

I'm sure veteran mommies out there are probably smiling knowingly, or else outright pointing and laughing at my noobishness. Eventually, I'll learn. I'm lucky that the smell of food doesn't repulse me. I like eating. It's just that eating doesn't seem to like me.

Is it naptime? Yes, I think it is.

Coming up next: Ultrasound at first appointment on Monday morning... stay tuned!

The Week in Review: 10-9-10

I spent half of last week riding 2500+ miles in a tractor trailer, voluntarily.* Why, you ask? You mean other than the obvious (that I must be a masochist)? I was on the truck acting as an art courier, tasked with making sure that a bunch of crates packed with loaned art made its way safely back to its owners. The museum I work for organized this traveling exhibition, and as the current Registrar-in-Charge (well, technically, I'm not anymore, as my boss is now back from maternity leave) it was my job to make sure all the return shipping was arranged and everything got back to the lenders where it belonged. Fun times full of mental gymnastics. Reminds me of why I loved doing logic problems as a kid. Yup, masochist. *The truck you see above is the actual tractor trailer.

The road trip was uneventful, for the most part. The drivers were friendly and the truck was pretty well tricked out; all I can say is, thank God it had a toilet on board (I am convinced I have a bladder with compartments)! The flat screen satellite television was a nice touch as well.

Warning: this next section contains some pregnancy-related TMI.

I did freak out a bit on Tuesday (day 2; we left Monday afternoon) when I discovered some pink spotting upon using a truck stop rest room. A short time later I experienced some cramping that was stronger than normal, but it lasted only about a minute or so. The spotting continued on and off through Thursday afternoon, though the stronger cramps never made a repeat appearance - whew!

I've been off the truck since Thursday, and haven't had any spotting since - YAY! I also called my doctor's office yesterday (Friday) morning, just to be on the safe side, and they sent me to get blood drawn for an hCG beta and to check my progesterone level. Had pretty much given up hope that I'd get results when the doctor-on-call finally rang me, an hour after the office had closed (very sweet of her)! The numbers:

hCG: 51,265

progesterone: 30

The doc said that these were really good numbers, indicating a nice and healthy pregnancy - YAY! I was so relieved that I forgot to ask her if it means anything that my progesterone number is lower than it was three weeks ago (it was 43.5 at 12 dpo), and I sort of wonder if I ought to do another beta to make sure things are still progressing at the right pace since the cramping on Tuesday.

BUT, the progesterone is still at a normal and healthy level, even if it's lower, so I think I might be all right with waiting until my first ultrasound on the 18th. I'm so tired after the past two busy weeks on the road I kind of don't feel like worrying too much right now. AND, I hear the level tends to fluctuate too. If there's any more spotting, though, I will be calling my doctor pronto!

In the meantime, I will try to enjoy the company of my new BFF, Morning Sickness (total misnomer: mine hits in early afternoon and kicks it with me for the rest of the day)! To be honest, though, feeling sick is actually the most reassuring thing of all...

Is it nap time yet?